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Within the month I moved from centre stage to the wings. At first I didn’t quite realise how fast our wedding would be eclipsed. ’ I asked Stephen one evening, dreamily gazing at our wedding photographs. My discovery of what it is actually like to be a step-grandparent was possibly a bit more abrupt than the usual, but my feeling of being out-of-sync with those around me is not unique.
With so many couples remarrying or re-partnering, more and more people find themselves suddenly catapulted into the complex world of someone else’s emotional experience – a world where they might feel like a bewildered bystander.
Your own genes, your own future is there,’ says Elizabeth Hodder, who founded the National Step-parents Association, now Family Lives.
Overnight, couples who have lived at a distance are reunited over the crib. In the end I let them get on with it.’Says boutique owner Rosalind, ‘I have become very fond of my step-grandchildren, but the news that there was another baby on the way – a girl – struck a broody chord with me, and I began to wonder what it would be like if I had my own grandchild. With a step-grandchild you do have to keep a distance.My change of roles over the past two years has been revolutionary.One moment I was the bride, surrounded by a dazzle of glamorous guests and gorgeous frocks, the next we were racing off to see my new husband’s first grandchild and I was suddenly Granny. His attention was elsewhere, totally absorbed in re-running the pictures of his grandson on his laptop.Step-grandmothers worry about offending the ex-wife by treading on her territory, and about offending the daughter by usurping her own mother’s role. So how should you behave towards your step-grandchild and his parents?You can tell step-grandmothers from the anxious lines on their faces. On a trip to see my husband’s new grandson in Sweden where his parents currently live, I spent the first afternoon admiring the little chap and then felt I should give the family some space with his new grandfather. I’ve decided it’s better to err on the side of overenthusiasm than be taken for super cool.
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